“Thank You” by Summer Miller

When I first met you
I was so lost.
I would’ve never changed
Had our paths not crossed.

You never judged me once,
And always offered me a helping hand.
You always offered me comfort,
Even when I felt like I was stuck in quick sand.

You understood my pain
Because of things you went through yourself.
You related to me
Because we had the same hands dealt.

You gave me a way out,
Out of the whole I’d dug myself in.
You gave me a chance to be better
And to never return to the places I’d been.

Then we ended up getting the biggest blessing
Even though it wasn’t planned.
It has completely changed my life
In more ways than anybody could understand.

Because of you, I’m a mother now
And the two of you gave my life a new meaning
I finally have the healthy family
I’d only ever seen if I was dreaming.

Together we made something so beautiful
And I want to say thank you.
Thank you for our daughter
And everything you do.

Thank you for never judging me
And always giving me hope.
Thank you for opening my eyes
Through all the walls you broke.

Thank you for your patience
In the times when I probably deserve none.
Thank you for not only being there
But always for everything you’ve done.

Thank you for stepping up
And being the best dad.
Thank you for always doing right by us
And becoming the best family I’ve ever had.

Thank you.

Bio: I wrote this poem for the man I love who blessed me with being a momma. He saved me in so many ways, in times when I deserved no salvation or forgiveness he saw a light in me that I myself couldn’t see. He seen the good through the bad and stood by me through it all. Our little girl and him saved me and completely changed the direction of my life in all the best ways they could have. I love you Ryan, and I can’t say thank you enough, guess I had to write a poem about it. Our family means everything to me.

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“Beware the Snare” by Kaitlyn Johnson

I am not my diagnosis I swear
To myself, as I scratch at my skin as I rip, and I tear
Because I want out of here as I can’t see past the glare
As I perpetuate the victim in my pity party with screams of “it’s not fair”
That I attached myself to others like a tether that only inevitably leads back to my lair
And everything living here was caught in a snare
A snare. A snare.
Please beware
I promise as much as I am the cage that I am also the living thing trapped in there
The bars are constructed of nights fighting to stay
Begging myself but the words are cut off at the airway
And the only key is embedded too deep inside this hollow chest that has become the prey
Cannibalistic as this soul eating disease won’t go away
And with all the chunks missing I still can’t find the key anyway
So, I sit in this cage and somehow, I make it through one more day

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“IN CASE THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING” by Kaitlyn Johnson

I wrote this in case you didn’t make it today
In case, alas
Your constant flight or fight was right
And you are indeed a large predator’s prey
That gnashed its teeth and latched on and this time you didn’t get away
As the screams and words are cut short as it rips open your throat before you could convey
Your dreams into reality
As just when you were a child, those kinds of things get tossed in a room and locked away
In a spot in a house, in a hallway.
And I feel since then, that kids love of reality passed away
As life has felt like a series of chapters,
where each one is a short story that teaches others how to walk away
She must have hated to see them go but love to watch them walk away
Because that kid walked through every page,
and they are the only protagonist that throughout each story remains
But
In a spot in a house, in a hallway
Is a chapter in the book that always gets re-read
That’s why the book is never finished,
and you never know if she’s traveled her way through the muck, or if she’s dead
The protagonist, that is
As at one point she could not make her way back
I wrote this in case you didn’t make it today
In case, alas
In case your brain didn’t force your eyes open and your day to start
In case this morning your eyes refused to part
In case, now, there will be no more dreams to even start
As to your misery, you must focus on its counterpart
That lies low with the armies within the chapters,
and it swings its sword to match the enemy’s as it counters it even with its bleeding heart
And the counterparts name that holds up its double-edged sword to chop down its enemy
goes by Hope
Reincarnated throughout the ages and these inked pages
As it stumbles upon the kid that became stuck in the past
That kid has become plastered and eroded into the scenery
But Hope stoops down and whispers the reasons to start
Peeling themselves out of the mold of their self-made wall art
Because whoever is not here who was at the start
Does not have teeth to block the kid and Hopes depart
As the erosion was just rubble and with enough effort it will start to fall apart
From her body
As she can continue on her own as she becomes lite enough
As her fingers become nimble enough to flip through to finally read the pages left unread.

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“Dear Beloved Who Woke Crying (If you would but pause…)” by Hannah Logan

Dear Beloved,

who woke crying…

believing horrible things about Me…

lying to your sweet self,

forgetting I Am is Thee….

and thinking life is only darkness now…

blind to your light and unable to recall how

I delight in you…

so grateful you agreed to come here, too.

Oh, Precious One, who is so seemingly certain of my abandonment,

can you not remember, if you give yourself a minute,

a pause or two,

or the tiniest of breaths,

through sobs and wretching…

how much I love you?

Can you not hear,

twixt each gnashing of your teeth…

my Voice whispering,

still so deep within you?

Can you not see The Light burning

in you, as Me, shining clear

to assuage your hurting?

Please, My Dearest One, do take a moment

to surrender what you feel is true…

then tis certain will come to you

that times before

I’ve revealed Your Self

when, so sure,

you thought all good was shelved

and dreams’ doors

closed, twas then

you said, “I’ll ne’er again forget

with such evidence empirical

that closely following ‘not yet’

is, ‘I AM, a miracle.’”

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“Fore It Spoils: A Love Story” by Hannah Logan

‘Fore It Spoils: A Love Story
(Or “The Him She Hasn’t Met That Left His Scent in Her Hair”)

She’s laughin’ makin’ stir-fry,
organic veggies all,
in a mountain cabin bought together.
(They both so love the fall.)

Bonnie Raitt is playin’.
He’s drizzlin’ olive oil.
“Can’t let the spinach win,” she’s sayin’,
“Gotta eat it ‘fore it spoils.”

Her laugh, that’s his real livin’,
always up to somethin’.
Upcomin’ is Thanksgivin’.
They’ve planned some perfect nothin’.

He could be rollin’ in the dough again,
but for the man who made his fortune early
she gets him like no Benjamins
and soulless work just makes him surly.

Come morn she’ll birth some more imagination
that makes this world worth stayin’ for.
He’ll ask her thoughts on his new creation.
And think “Could I love her any more?”

After each has sat alone, bein’ still and knowin’
they’ll work the day in cozy spaces.
And from Being will they show that
best things come from quiet, inner places.

The tiny house is hers, for comfort and creatin’.
Him inside their ample castle
he’ll do some innovatin’
and bless the world with laughter.

Doggie Blue will interrupt
ask to dance with perfect timin’
always space for hand-holdin’, coffee cups
brisk walks and sun ‘a’shinin’.

And when Blue Boy runs up the hill,
yellin’, “Look, Ma, there’s a squirrel!”
she’ll remember writin’, feelin’ ill…
but still believin’, though such a lonely girl.

**********

Hannah Logan is a feeler, a healer, a writer, and a fighter for worthy causes. She does lots of artsy things and helps others do artsy things as well. She loves all her inner kids and humans in general and is working to leave the world, and the people she meets, better than she found them… mainly by being kind, truthful, creative, and unabashedly, odd.

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“from my vantage point” by William Johnson

From my vantage point . . .
on this leading edge
of the upward thrust of an american continent where the wide Pacific
winks over my shoulder
at the callow youth of Hollywood Hills dare I admit it . . .
optimism reigns.

I well understand that such sentiment
cuts hard against the grain
of our culture’s malaise
but perhaps there’s much to be learned
from the countervailing spine
of the west’s rogue range.

The Santa Monica offers testimony
to a collision course
of twisted plots
and Euripidean cycles a Dionysian frenzy
stratified in the purple Topanga.
Brute force of geomythic proportions
etched in layers of shale and slate
lies bare where Poseidon’s bedrock
subducted the advance of an entire continent
which perforce of its own reckless momentum
heaved forth its record of subterranean violence:
holy writ on canyon walls.

Los Angeles sprawls below
criss-crossed arteries that pulse
koyaanisqatsi.
There circuits wink in digital ecstasy
the flirtatious impulse of a brazen age
signaling perhaps a memory
made tenuous by synapses that fire
with such exuberance
as to defy pattern
and without pattern
to defy recurrence.
Pure novum
this civitas humanitas kairos in perpetuity.

Now is the time when we slough off the vestiges of a frontier spirit.
Here is the place where we strip and bear no more
the traces of manifest destiny.

From my vantage point . . .
looking out is looking through
space and time,
where the San Gabriel
marks the end of desire,
a towering limit at the edge
of a forbidding legacy
of four millennia of desert crossings.

And there, all along its massive footprint
lies a land aglow, surreal
radiance, utterly contemporary
oblivious to its shadow side but then
in the just beyond
the conestoga laid waste litters that last expanse
of a continent ground into the earth
by an idea more arid than the climate itself,
where all but the pulse —
and sometimes even that —
lay weathered
bleached skulls
that mark a trail of thirst for some hereafter.

But here, at desert’s end
ancient schemes play
themselves out their exhaustion etched
in dusty sediment and gnarled chaparral.
And what remains
but the play of an eerie luminosity
extending eastward to that closed horizon
where the edge of america subvenes the night
and come the dawn wrests aurora to earth.

A new day
with its own promethean fantasy
rolled out as a carpet of light
where men would be gods
and where the gods themselves
had lain prostrate —
the very substratum of this sacrificial basin.

Yet here on the margin
where thinking breaks free
of old constraints these gods form not the bedrock
claimed
by a mythological age
but withhold the lifeblood
that for a time sustained
the paroxysm of a technological era:
lessed crude
long since extracted —
sanguinis christi —
the divine soma like the Mojave, run dry
but deeper in consequence.

A city of angels at once
an infusion of spirit and the exhaustion of soul
sprawls as unfolding implication:
deflated,
but not depleted empty
but not without signification
emphatically post-aquarian—
a slouching beast
become puer aeternitas—

a brilliant flash in the morning sky code perhaps
to some extraterrestrial eye but
in fact in time
a millenarian odyssey to a closed infinity whose dispensation
may well eclipse the sun itself.

Gravity beckons all
the star shines most bright
propenultimate to its collapse
even this great city sinks when eviscerated
vital fluids sucked from its dark interior
stark reminder that techniques
of the sacred— when perverted
in the name of heaven
soon exhaust the lifeblood
that upholds the earth—
reassert themselves
at the edge of our imagining and in so doing
reassert the hold of the earth:
no bodhisattvas here
nor babes in baskets or swaddling clothes neither prophets nor avatars
no wounded healers
save those whose interment
inscribe these canyon walls.

There
a chronicle of uprising and suppression
makes our stories its own:

our cultural vignettes
that strut and fret with sound and fury
rise with this canyon wall and find redemption
in its vast cycles of death and rebirth of decay and renewal

a parry whose latest thrust realigned
mortal antagonists
transforming their collision course reorienting their strife
along an axis mundi — a true meridian — withholding the promise
of a veritable universe . . .

that’s
world enough . . .
given time.

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“When Princes Lose Their Damsels” by Hannah Logan

(or “You’re so much prettier when you’re frail…”)

Photo by Andalucía Andaluía on Unsplash

You carried me
til I was strong
never admitting 
you were tired
even as your sweat poured between my breasts.

I thanked you
by growing fierce…
borrowing your strength,
always promising 
to pay you back.

And when my legs
were mighty again,
ready for running
and reached for ground…
and my arms were sinewy and lean
and powerful enough to hold the world — 
including yours…

And I wanted to lift you up
while you recovered 
from your giving…

Because
you now were crumbling
Because
time for being held was yours…

It was then
you stumbled away
as if needless
as if lions never sleep
as if hearty heroines embarrassed you…

though I saw your sweat had turned to tears
and you wobbled as you went.

Still a prince, perhaps,
but much less a man to me.

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“I’m Sorry” by Ayden Vilaro

“I’m Sorry” words I know all too well
“I’m Sorry” the words I muttered when I fell
“I’m Sorry” for calling myself fat
“I’m Sorry” that I wore this hat

“I’m Sorry” for when I feel depressed
“I’m Sorry” for when I feel underdressed
“I’m Sorry” I say these words everyday
“I’m Sorry” I will say these words anyway

“I’m Sorry” that I hold in how I’m feeling
“I’m Sorry” the world has shattered my thinking
“I’m Sorry” when tomorrow I’ll feel the same
“I’m Sorry” these words I try to keep tame

“I’m Sorry” words I mutter from dusk ‘till dawn
“I’m Sorry” words right before my final yawn
“I’m Sorry” but I feel crushed all the while
“I’m Sorry” I say with a smile

“I’m Sorry” the final words from a broken man
“I’m Sorry” the words that crush a faithful fan
“I’m Sorry” I shout with all the air from my lung
“I’m Sorry” the only words I knew when I was young

“I’m Sorry” words i say much to often
“I’m Sorry” words much too easy to soften
“I’m Sorry” words I’ll say at my final stand
“I’m Sorry” a symphony played by the band

“I’m Sorry” my final call for help
“I’m Sorry” no one hears, it’s but a yelp
“I’m Sorry” words I’ll cry from the depths of hell
“I’m Sorry” words I know all too well

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