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“The Life-Size Version is Even More Terrifying”

By: Hannah Rabon

She has green hair.
She’s roughly 5 feet, 1 inch
Ergo, she is a troll.
The only thing that’s missing
Is a bejeweled belly button,
A redeeming quality.
But since she does not have a sapphire encrusted navel,
She is the ugly ducking of trolls,
Implying that one day she will grow into
A more superior goblin-like creature.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I’m assuming the negative considering how
She charges for access and inflation is unavoidable.

Or is it skewflation?
Because trolls are becoming a hot commodity
–and by “hot” I mean coveted like a Furbie on Christmas of 1998–
While tall, slender beauties are depreciating.
The shinny, plastic eggs
That no one is patient enough to use the claw to
Capture and see what’s inside.