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“Remembering Her As She Was” by Christian Gilmer

It’s been quite some time since we’ve sat together and we’ve really spoken

, because the last time we sat and spoke it was you who was breathing your last breath,

And you wondered what comes next, and now we sit here and I wonder what comes next,

And I ask because you know.

You know because you lived, and you came to pass on, and you’ve come now as a shadow,

And this is how I see you because you have faded.

You faded from our thoughts, from our memories, but never does our love for you fade because of the way you lived.

The way you loved each and every one of us,

The way your hand touched my face when you saw me,

The way you raised me,

The way you raised those before me,

The way you showed such deep love for those around you,

The way that you loved our God,

And the way that you knew of His love,

and as you lay, breathing those last breaths at that place where we last sat together, you knew that it was his home that you were running to, and his doors were open,

And his doors were open for you because of the way you lived,

Because of the man that you decided that you loved, and because of the great care you had taken all of your life to the man that you loved and lived with for so long because he was yours and you were his,

And as we sat there on that last day you looked up and you saw his face, and you knew that you were going home,

You were going home to those that you loved before and those that you will continue to love because you have gone home to be with them,

Yet here we are just left with a faint memory of your life,

And these Polaroids do your life no justice,

For you made an impression that is incomparable,

You did something that no one else was able to do,

You raised and you loved what was not originally yours, what was not originally given to you by our God,

You brought in and you cared for and you loved because you are love,

And now I feel such love for you because you felt such love for me,

And as we sat there on that day when you breathed your last breath, I felt your love in me and you felt my love in you, because I knew that you were going home,

I knew that your days were gone,

That each breath was one less second of life on this earth, and how much closer you were to going home,

And I look back at these Polaroids,

And I see your face,

And I feel your touch,

And I smell your perfume,

So I went back to the days when you were here with us,

Before the day that you left us with your faint shadow,

Before that day when you looked up and you saw his face,

And you knew that you were going home